I am running for Governor of Kansas!

I am extraordinarily happy to announce my intention to mount an independent run for the governorship of the great state of Kansas! I know that a litany of questions undoubtedly will arise from this, so I will try my best to answer those which I consider to be the most pertinent to the campaign.

Who Am I?

Hi! My name is Victor Redko, I am a 20 year old dual Canadian-American citizen studying mathematics and computer science at McGill University in Montreal. My interests include getting into fights on Facebook, eating, and thinking about the tyranny of existence. Oh, and winning hearts and minds all across our great state of Kansas.

What Is My Link To Kansas?

I have a few friends there!

Can I Even Be Governor?

Kansas has no actual requirements to be governor, which explains why so many teenagers have declared their candidacy for the governorship. It also has no residency requirements, which puts me in the unique position of potentially becoming the first ever governor of of a US state who has never set foot in in that US state! To quell your concerns that one can't govern a territory while living somewhere else, I assure you that the US does this all over the globe quite well and that I will do so even better.

What Are My Political Stances?

Here is a not remotely exhaustive list of just some of the positions which I hold:
  • Healthcare: Universal healthcare is a must.
  • LGBT rights: Good as hell.
  • Foreign Policy: I will burn Oklahoma to the ground and annex rightful Kansan soil.
  • Immigration: A diverse Kansas is a strong Kansas.
  • Marijuana: Legalize and tax it.
  • Sam Brownback: Anyone who thinks that the fact that 6 teenagers and a university student in Canada are running for the Kansas governorship is making a mockery of Kansan politics has clearly never heard of this guy.
  • Taxes: Corporations and the wealthy don't pay anywhere near enough.
  • Minimum Wage: Increase it and peg it to some living standard.
And so on. Furthermore, here are the key demographics that I am looking to capture this election cycle:
  • Families for whom the bicycle is the primary form of transportation.
  • White Outkast fans.
  • Crossbow wine moms.
  • Canadian citizens.
  • Grey Wolves (unless they're actually the fascist kind, in which case I will deport them back to whatever Turkish terrorist training nest they came from).
Thank you for your support, I hope to see a huge turnout on election day next year. Let's turn Kansas from Republican Red to Revolution Red!

Comments

  1. Hi, what are your thoughts about pineapple on pizza?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pineapple on pizza supports the proletariat, so I support it!

      Delete
  2. Mayonnaise: Key export for our future or corruptive force for our children?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lunchmeat Lunchmeat,

    Lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat. Lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat, lunchmeat. Lunchmeat lunchmeat, lunchmeat, lunchmeat!

    Lunchmeat lunchmeat; lunchmeat. Lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat. Lunchmeat? Lunchmeat lunchmeat. Colonel lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat.

    Lunchmeat lunchmeat,
    Lunchmeat

    ReplyDelete
  4. What are you views on gun ownership and the types of guns people can own?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment